


i've been having a hard time adjusting

by beingemotionalsince2003



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Constantin likes pepperoni, F/F, Fatou sleeps at Q's, Multi, The Instas' backstory, Toxic Friendships, ahhhh, balance, i am so excited for this project!, kieutou locker makeout, letting go, she leaves for a squad emergency, tries to make it up to her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29887662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beingemotionalsince2003/pseuds/beingemotionalsince2003
Summary: Kieu My's journey towards letting toxic friendships go; for her and for the people she loved. Even for Constantin.Featuring Kieutou, lots of the instas, and a simping Ismail.
Relationships: Fatou Jallow & Kieu My Vu, Fatou Jallow/Kieu My Vu, Ismail Inci/Constantin Ostendorf
Comments: 22
Kudos: 87





	1. i didn't know if you'd care if i came back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You  
> _______________________  
> |Meet me at the lockers?| 12:33  
> ——————————————
> 
> Axolotlgirl  
> _____________________  
> |You're free today? 😍 | 12:35  
> |Which ones?| 12:36  
> ———————
> 
> You  
> ____________  
> | Downstairs. |12:36  
> —–––––––
> 
> Kieu My's heart almost got out of her chest when Fatou saw the message. God, it was beating so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The public coming out fic was supposed to come beforehand but I finished this one fist, so here it goes. Enjoy 💛

After their one month anniversary reunion and their public coming-out, Kieu My and Fatou had spent many evenings studying together and talking until they couldn't fight the charm of the world of the dreams and fell asleep. Kieu My had been so happy those days...

But as every good thing does, it had to end (hopefully not for too long). Due to covid measures being reduced and hate towards Asians lowering as well, Q's parents needed way more of her help with the store. Also, Consti and the rest of their group were having some shit going on and they required each other's constant support. Which, obviously, meant sacrificing her time with Fatou. They texted, they texted every time they could, and they greeted each other at school; but it just wasn't the same. Were all relationships supposed to be like this?

Kieu My couldn't even remember the last time they were properly alone, nor the last time they had kissed. Like, REALLY, really kissed.  
She missed, she craved, she died for Fatou's touch. She almost couldn't put attention to the physics class that morning, mostly because she couldn't stop thinking about the proposal she was planning on making to her. They had agreed to eat together, but honestly: Fuck lunch. She didn't want people around them anymore. So as soon as the break started, she texted her girlfriend.

You  
_______________________  
|Meet me at the lockers?| 12:33

——————————————

Axolotlgirl  
_____________________  
|You're free today? 😍 | 12:35  
|Which ones?| 12:36  
———————

You  
____________  
| Downstairs. |12:36  
—–––––––

Kieu My's heart almost got out of her chest when Fatou saw the message. God, it was beating so fast. Fatou always did this to her! She couldn't understand how every time they kissed or brushed each other's skin it felt just like the first time. Fireworks on the back and all.  
She waited patiently for some minutes, resting her back on the wall until she began hearing quick footsteps hitting the stairs. She held her breath (not like she could inhale right now if she tried to, anyways) and she saw a small figure approaching her. Fuck. So many days without her made Kieu My forget how beautiful her girlfriend was.

“Hey.” Said Fatou, nonchalantly, while standing in front of her with few space in between them.

Since the day they got back together, Fatou had left her shy self behind and became extremely comfortable and direct around her. Q couldn't relate.

“Hi.” The tall girl responded.

“I've missed you”.

“I've missed you too. So much...” She added, almost as a whisper, while she surrounded Fatou's neck with her arms.

The other girl placed her hand on Kieu My's cheek, caressing it, and looked at her with all the love she had inside. Kieu My felt weak, transparent at her sight; but she wasn't scared anymore. After some seconds, Fatou finally closed the distance between them. They kissed intensely, Thankfully not needing to hold back themselves anymore and just stare at each other from the other side of the room. Kieu My felt Fatou's hands leave her face and start slowly traveling down her torso. She then grabbed her belt's buckle and she tugged it up, using it to sustain herself (something that she would normally do with some other part of her anatomy, like her waist). Kieu My whimpered, not being prepared for this much amount of oxytocin. At least not this soon. Fatou gasped too. She left her belt alone and then slipped her hands under her t-shirt, tracing her stomach, her back and then stopping at her neck. They had been making out for minutes already and hadn't bothered to listen to their systems begging for air (just as much as they were begging for each other). They pulled away when ignoring this wasn't an option anymore. It was a good thing that they did, though, because it reminded them that they were still in school and someone could walk in anytime.

“Will you come over? Tonight?” Fatou asked once she went back to her right state of mind.

That question wasn't really helping for Kieu My at the moment. Not at all. She was trying to calm down from their current interaction and thinking about the next one made her brain get dizzy and her senses numb. Another thing not helping were Fatou's hands on her waist, still beneath her shirt, drawing lines on her belly. How was she supposed to answer?

“Yes. I'm-” She made a pause, embarrassed by the hoarseness of her own voice. “I think I'm free after 8:00 pm”.

“Great.” Fatou said with a triumphant smile that soon faded. “Fuck. I forgot Ilai will be home today. He's gonna be so annoying and won't leave us alone. Do you think we could maybe go to yours?”

“Uhh, yeah, of course we can”.

“Looking forward to it.” Fatou simply replied, letting go of her waist and placing a strand of her hair behind her ear. “We are having lunch together, right?”

“Yes, we are. But... I don't wanna leaveeee.” Kieu My complained with her baby voice, burying her face on her girlfriend's neck. Kieu My felt the vibration of Fatou's laugh on her lips, and her skin got goosebumps.

They were interrupted by the sound of a bunch of messages coming out of the taller girl's phone, and Kieu My knew what this meant. She really didn't wanna look at them. She didn't want her day with Fatou to be ruined. Not again. A call came and she took the phone out of her pocket.  
Ismail.

“Sorry, I really need to pick up”.

“Uh, yeah. No problem”.

….

-Kieu My, hi. We have an emergency.

-What is it this time?

-Costi's mom brought another man over last night. He won't talk to us, but he's very upset. He needs us with him. All of us.

-Fuck.

-Yeah...

Kieu My felt awful for letting Fatou down, but Consti needed her. They were family, after all. Fatou and her would still be together later, so she didn't have to worry. She'd understand.

-Where are you right now?

-At the park. Same spot as always.

-Okay. I'm coming.

And they hung up.

….

“What's up?” Fatou asked.

“Um, Fatou, I'm really sorry. Something happened, with Constantin, and he needs our support. Do you think we could eat together tomorrow?”

Fatou's face fell, even more than when she saw Kieu My picking up the phone.  
“Uhm, I mean, sure. If it's that serious...”

“Okay, thank you. I'm sorry.” Kieu My said, grabbing her stuff, giving her a small peck, and walking out of there. “Bye!”

FATOU'S POV

“Bye...” She waved back.

Fatou couldn't help but think about the last time this happened. Kieu My wanted to meet, they kissed, laughed, and then all of a sudden she left with nothing but a shitty explanation. It made her feel horrible, but she tried to understand. She tried to tell herself that Kieu My and the instas were friends since a long time ago and they always went through everything together. She tried to understand that Constantin had a lot of shit going on and that's why everybody put him above anything else. Kieu My had never really told her what was it that affected Contantin so much, and honestly she couldn't comprehend why all of them loved him so dearly. Maybe he acted differently with them... Maybe some part of him was nice. There had to be a reason for Nora to start dating him, right? He couldn't be ALL evil. But the only thing she knew is that Kieu My had been very distant lately and he was a big reason for it. She just wished Kieu My could realize she deserved better friends. She just wished Kieu My would put her first time to time. She just wished she wouldn't leave her standing anymore. But at least they were seeing each other tonight, weren't they? Yeah. It would all be alright.

The bell rang and Fatou leaned to check her schedule. «Shit, History». Fatou took a deep breath, sucking all the energy she had inside of her and she directed herself towards the classroom. This was gonna be a long day (but her visit to Kieu My's place was a good motivation, not gonna lie).


	2. this is me trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kieu My knew that was her job in the group: To be strong when nobody else felt like it. When they were children, she was always the brainy one; the one who always had some sort of answer or the exact words somebody needed to hear. 
> 
> Or: Kieu My brings a gift for Constantin and she meets Fatou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Welcome. I'm sorry for so many days being absent. I promise the next chapter is coming waaaay sooner 🌹. At some point of the chapter I'm gonna ask you to put on a song, and I really need you to do that so you get the vibe I want you to get.
> 
> Please enjoy 💛.

Thursday, 12:51

After some minutes of fast-walking and a small stop, Kieu My spotted her friends on their usual bench with their normal fashionable, exiting vibes completely off. Finn and Constantin sat while Zoe and Ismail stood. They were just there, speechless, occasionally staring at each other. Of them all, Isma looked the most anxious, and Kieu My knew why: Their hopeless, never-ending crush on Constantin. She didn't get it at first, how they could be so keen on someone who would never see them that way. But all it took was a little heartbreak and the thought of Fatou just having her as a fling for her to comprehend: Romance is a bitch sometimes. You can't choose to fall in love and you can't choose when to let go. Your feelings just do whatever they want.

Zoe lift her head up and saw the asian teen coming at them, her expression became brighter and she waved with relief. Kieu My knew that was her job in the group: To be strong when nobody else felt like it. When they were children, she was always the brainy one; the one who always had some sort of answer or the exact words somebody needed to hear. She knew the people around her noticed this, and at some point, they begun counting on her. Or better said: Expecting from her. That's what made her important, irreplaceable... Wanted.

So, she learnt to hide her feelings. She learnt to be exactly what her loved ones required her to be. She became cold when she had to and warm when it was prone to be. She became two-faced. It was stressful, to say the least. But she made others smile and she gave them courage even if she had to sacrifice her own nourishment for them, even if she felt weak. Maybe that's what made Fatou so groundbreaking for her: She challenged her to be who she really was and to say not what she needed to, but what she actually wanted to say. She had only achieved to do that with Fatou, though. Only her was safe enough to do so. Outside of their little bubble, she was still everyone's support system. She had to. Obviously, she found comfort and solace within the instas as well, just not in the same way she did with a certain brown-skinned lady who had no expectations on her. Any more than her letting her love her, which was harder than it seemed.

“Hey, babe.” Zoe greeted her, way quieter than usual.

“Hey guys”.

Finn gave her a little smile, Constantin stayed just as he was (head down, gazing at the floor), and Ismail looked at her with troubled eyes. This happened every single time. They wouldn't get a word out the blonde guy and they didn't know what to do. For some reason, everyone thought that by some magical talent Kieu My did.   
She ignored them and sat beside her gone friend. 

“Hi, Have you eaten yet?”

He shook his head. “I'm not hungry”.

“Well, you won't be concentrated in class either if you don't take your lunch. Come on, let's go buy something”.

“Damn, Kieu My. Do you think I feel like going back to school right now?” He snapped.

Kieu My was used to this kind of response (not that she liked it), so she kept calm.

“Consti, you know what will happen if you don't”.

He met her gaze for the first time, eyes full of fear. Hidden, but it was there.

“What if I told you... That I got the last slice of pepperoni pizza from the cafeteria just for you?”

She actually had to almost flirt with some dude for him to give it to her, but that wasn't the point.

“You did?” His eyes gleamed.

“Yes.” Kieu My said while she took the two plates she had carefully put the pizza on out of her backpack. He took it on his hands and smiled excitedly. Kieu My's heart got warm at the sight. This is why she did what she did for.

“I also bought you this.” A pepsi-cola bottle.

“Thanks, Q”.

“Klar”. She answered offering him a soft chuckle.  
The instas looked at her with contentment. She had done her job.

While Constantin ate, she and Ismail got a little far from the others. Kieu My spoke after some seconds:

“How did you find out? About his mom, I mean.”

“I slept at his' last night. I was there when he opened the door and... Well, saw them”.

“Shit”.

“Yup. Idk, if I could, I would throw his dad on fucking jail and punch that whore in the face. You should have seen her. The bitch just stoop up, asked if nobody taught us how to nock, and then closed the fucking door! All like that! She didn't even look sorry, Q. I don't get it. Why is that man even with her? They don't love each other. She just wants him for the money and he lets her; but Constantin is always the one who pays when he's in a bad mood. How is that shit fucking fair?”

“No idea...” She paused for a minute. “I guess it's not.” Was all she came up with. How could you help someone if their problems were out of your hands? They had talked about reporting his dad before, but Consti refused.

„Are you crazy?! He will fucking kill me when he comes out!!!„

And Kieu My didn't really blame him. But she had no other ideas.

“Hey guys! We should get going. We already lost one class!” Finn shouted.

Isma looked at her and she gave them a reassuring smile, even though she felt anything but sure.

“It's gonna be alright, Issy. I promise”.

“I just hope it won't take any longer. I can't keep seeing him like this”.

“I know. Me neither”.

On their way back. Kieu My walked aside Constantin and made sure he wouldn't go party tonight, mostly because she wasn't gonna be there to help him if he got too drunk. If he felt shitty, he would go to Ismail's. She made him swear it, and he did. Thank God, at least she wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.

\---------------------------------  
Thursday, later on

Luckily, Kieu My had made it on time for her German class. She didn't have physics today, and it made her a bit sad not to have her girlfriend bedside her. She went to the store and ate with her parents; they almost didn't speak because she wasn't in the vibe for giving long answers. After helping them for 2 hours, she headed home and started her homework. Her phone buzzed.

Axolotlgirl  
____  
| Hey | 4:01  
———  
____________________________________________  
| I just wanted to know at what time will we meet |———————————————–————————— 4:01  
________________________  
|Or if we're meeting at all |   
——————————— 4:09

You  
_______________________________  
| Hi, I'm sorry. Of course we are. |  
| Come over half past eight 😊 |  
————————————————4:12

Kieu My wished that she could meet her girl sooner, but she had too many things to do before. Her tasks would normally be a drag, but being close to her again was a great motivation, being honest, so she continued her homework with a smile.

\-------------------------------  
Thursday, 8:45

“Hello.” Said Fatou, not as happily as Kieu My would have liked to hear.

“Hey, come in”.

The small girl stepped into the apartment. She looked briefly at Kieu My and then she started to take her shoes off.

“So… How are you?”

“I'm fine. You?”

Well, this wasn't going as smooth as planned. Kieu My had completely forgotten about the way she had left her standing that morning and how she was certainly still hurt about it. «Shit, how do I fix this?».

“Yeah… Uh. I'm sorry, about earlier. I didn't mean to do the same thing I did that other day, before the presentation. Back then I- I don't know, I fucked up by asking you to show me your part beforehand and I didn't know how to fix it so I left. But this time was different, it wasn't about you, nor me. Consti really needed me”.

The smaller girl just stared at her, not very convinced. She looked like she was thinking about what to answer; but Kieu My kept taking:

“Anyways, I told him to stay with Ismail tonight if he needed something, so he wouldn't bother us. Because I need you, tonight. I don't want to spend time with anybody else. I want you”.

She tried to open up, even if showed her most vulnerable state.

She smiled at her, finally looking happy, and she placed a soft kiss on her girlfriend's lips. “I want you too”.

\-----------------  
Thursday, 9:00

*Play 'Crack Baby' by Mitski from minute 1:58 NOW*  
[just do]

Fatou. 

Fatou all over her, around her, within her, bedside her. That's all she wanted, all she thought of, all she needed. Fatou. Here, now, forever. Her lips on hers, her hands on her body, her mouth with her name on it, her sweat with her sweat, her soul with her soul. That's all she ever wanted, all she could think of, all she had needed for so long. Fatou. Fatou and her night-sky eyes. Fatou and her stunning smile, her charming laugh and dimples, her angel voice, her mind, her kisses, her heart... Fatou.   
Fatou, Fatou, Fatou.

“Stay here forever”.

“I will”.

Laying by her side, sleeping by her side made her forget wat insomnia even was. Who could stay awake when they could live their dream?

“I love you.

Hey, why are you crying? It's okay.”

“Sorry. It's just you just hadn't said that in a long time”.

“I said it on the phone, like two weeks ago!”

“Isn't that long?”

“Well, it kinda is. Maybe time is different for zombies”.

~laughs~

“I love you too, Fatou Jallow.

So much…”

*music stops*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowowowow. What was that? I love this chapter so much. You don't even know.
> 
> I actually cannot get how did I manage not to hate on Constantin too much even though I despise him. More drama coming soon 🌝.
> 
> Also, for the "Fatou" part. I was thinking since I've already narrated more... Detailed love scenes on the past I could try to do something more abstract and sentimental now. I hope that was alright.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!! 💛. I love you too badly. Please, PLEASE drop a comment and also text me anytime on tumblr @beingemotionalsince2003


	3. at least i'm trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> «Not tonight, universe. Please» Kieu My thought. This wasn't the first time that she found herself in between two people she cared about, and the last thing she wanted in the whole entire world was leaving Fatou alone on her bed. ESPECIALLY today. They needed this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, Naomi bringing you a long-ass chapter again? Damn right ✨. I will leave this here mostly because I won't update for some days. Crafting the rest of the story will take a long time. Sorry for the angst I hate it too, but we need it to learn don't we?
> 
> the song of the chapter is 🎶 cellophane by FKA twigs. it's not meant for any part in particular but the lyrics fit this perfectly. if you might, play it before reading so you get into the mood. Enjoy 💛.

Wednesday, 5:38 AM

~phone ringing~

Kieu My woke up abruptly. She picked up the call without looking at who it was from, fearing it would wake Fatou up.

-Who is this?

-Q! You need to come now!

-Zoe? Why the fuck do you call this late?! What's wrong? -She said with a drowned bawl, walking out of her room.

-I'm sorry, Q. It's just Consti...- Was she crying? -He got into a fight last night. He's really messed up now. I'm very scared, Q. What are we gonna do? You always have a solution. Come here quick please. We're at main street #45, outside a club. 

-Are you there alone?!

-No, Finn's with me. He already called Issy.

-Ok, thank God. I need to dress up first, I'm coming.

-Thank you, babe. We'll wait.

Kieu My hung up and she fell on the wall, throwing her head back. Well, NOW she was fucked up. «Not tonight, universe. Please». This wasn't the first time that she found herself in between two people she cared about. The last thing she wanted in the whole entire world was leaving Fatou alone on her bed. ESPECIALLY today. They needed this moment, they needed it to heal. But then there was Consti. She got anxious with the mere thought of him being out somewhere, bruised and cold. Damn, she was so angry at him. He had broken his promise and now he was gonna ruin things with Fatou again. Why did everything have to be so complicated?   
She quickly put on the first warm outfit she found and she stared at her sleeping girlfriend, worried. Should she wake her up and tell her? She looked so happy and calm... She'd hate herself if she disturbed her dreams, so she decided to write a note and put it on her pillow. Fatou would see it there. 

{Good morning, beautiful lady. I had to go to take care of an emergency with Costantin  
{I promise to come back as soon as I can, okay? I'm very sorry.   
I love you.}

She placed a kiss on her forehead and then rushed out of the door. 

Thinking about it, she should have sent her a text.

\-----------------------------  
Wednesday, 6:51 AM

“It's funny, he left his house so his dad wouldn't beat him and he ended up fucked up anyway.” Said Ismail, with a tone that made Kieu My wonder if his soul had left their body.

“He was supposed to be at yours, Ismail. Not in some fucking party.” She said bitterly.

“Hey! When he called wasted asking if he could come over he didn't mention he would go out then! What was I supposed to do? Take him home like that? My mom would kill me!”

“So you just left him all alone. Great solution, Ismail!”

All the instas were outside a hospital at the other side of the city, waiting to hear news about their friend. One dude at the club had pushed him and Contantin made a fight out of it because he wouldn't apologize. He, of course, didn't count that his 5-guy clique was going to help him. Apparently, they broke his nose, but they weren't sure. Kieu My freaked out when she saw him sitting on asphalt with his nose bleeding and with only cleaning wipes as his help. After taking him somewhere he would ~actually~ get help on she demanded an explanation for Finn and Zoe taking such shitty care of him. 

„I can't believe you two couldn't think about anything better than cleaning wipes!„

Luckily, someone was required inside the building and Finn left, so the argument didn't continue. But when Ismail arrived Q was still pretty irritated and she had to vent out somehow.

“Why are you acting like this, Kieu My?! It's not like you were with him either!”

“No, but I am the one who has been there for him for the past two weeks! I had to leave Fatou alone to come here, just because 'your mom asked you for a favor'? Couldn't you tell your mom you had agreed to look after a friend and he needed you?”

“I'm sorry, okay?! If someone feels sorry right now that's me! I love him more than you do!”

“Oh sure! Because when you love someone you abandon them right?!”

“Didn't you just say you left Fatou? We can't always choose the same person Kieu My!”

Her face fell.

“That's not the same”.

“Hey guys, stop it! Any of this is important now. The thing is Consti is hurt and even if we couldn't be there some hours ago we need to be there for him now. Fighting won't fix anything! Come on guys, we love each other. Let's not let a bit of anger pull us apart.” Zoe interrupted.

The other two then stared at each other, with a mix of sadness and betrayal. Kieu My didn't always choose Consti, did she? She only did when a major thing happened to him, and this was one of those.

“Hey.” Finn greeted them, opening the door. “He's okay, nothing big went on, just a couple of broken nose vessels. He needs someone to take care of him, though, he has to sleep”.

They all looked at each other, hoping someone would volunteer.

“I'll take him. My parents are out.” Finn talked again.

“Baby! Are you sure? U want me to help?” Asked Zoe.

“Sure, I'd like that”.

“Thank you, Finn.” Kieu My said.

“Yeah! What would we do without you?” Joked Ismail, and the instas laughed for the first time in the last 24 hours.

“We'd probably just spend the night at the park again.” Zoe added.

“Anyways, we need to get him out of here. Come with me?” Finn said to Isma and they left.

“I think I need to go as well... I don't want Fatou to wake up alone. Shit, Zoe... What if she already did?” Kieu My asked with preoccupation.

“Q... Don't worry! Ok? All's fine! The girl is completely nuts for you! She'll totally get it”.

\-----------------------------  
Wednesday, 7:00 AM

*switched POV's*

Fatou didn't get it. 

It all seemed to be so well between them last night, and now all she knew was that she had left her. AGAIN. When she woke up, Fatou stretched her arm to hold her and she wasn't there. She searched everywhere, she called, she texted: Nothing. Just nothing. It was all so confusing! For the last two weeks Fatou had felt like Kieu My didn't want to spend time with her anymore and wouldn't really care if she came back; and the moment it finally thought that she was all in again she did this. Did Kieu My even love her still? Last night couldn't be a lie. All they had been thought couldn't be a lie. She tried to believe that; even when a feeling against it was becoming more and more haunting every time. She bumped into her parents on the kitchen and they didn't know where she was either. It had been a hella awkward situation...  
Probably the most awkward she had ever been in. Fatou tried waiting for her, she waited until she realized she couldn't afford any more faults on her school history (and she really didn't wanna be on Kieu My's house without her); so she took her skateboard and promised the Vu's to call if she saw her. They were pretty worried and Fatou was as well. There had to be an explanation for this. What if something happened to her? What of she wasn't safe? Fatou went home with her head down, took her books, had a half breakfast, and then left. She wasn't really hungry.

\-----------------------------  
Wednesday, 7:32 AM

Kieu My was running. She was running as fast as she could. She had taken the subway and then a cab to be there as soon as possible; but they got stuck on traffic and she left the vehicle. It would be better on foot. She didn't really know why she was so stressed, why she felt like she couldn't even stop to rest. She knew Fatou was one of the most understanding and patient persons she had ever met, but she had a hunch that this time she wouldn't just smile and kiss her at an apology.

When Kieu My got home, she rushed to her room, not even taking her shoes off, not even attending to her parents callings from the living room. Of course it was her, who else had the keys? She opened the door: Empty. The bed was empty. She knocked on the bathroom: No answer. Shit, fuck, damn, fucking damn bulshit... She didn't know any other curse words. Her parents walked into the room to see her daughter as an anxious mess, almost in tears.

“Little Q, what's wrong? Are you okay?” Asked her dad.

“How come you leave without a note?! Or even a text? We were worried!” The mom added.

Shit. Her phone. Her phone had died. What if Fatou had called her and it went straight to mail?

“Where is Fatou?”

They looked at each other with confusion.

“She left for school, darling... And so should you. Why don't you talk to us? Where were you?”

“Some dudes beat up the hell out of Constantin, ok? We took him to the hospital. I'm fine. How long ago did she leave?”

“Who?”

“Fatou, mom. I'm talking about Fatou. How long ago did she leave for school?”

“I don't know. Some... 10 minutes ago? I can't remember. But why is that so important?”

“It's important because I left her here alone and it's not the first time I chose Constantin over her and she probably hates me right now and I do not want to lose her!” She blurted, being way more honest than she would have liked.

“Daughter, that girl doesn't hate you! She was just as worried about you as we were, she stayed here for half an hour waiting for you, she promised to look for you and call if she found you. And the way she stares at you? When we first met her, that's all I had to see to know that she was the right one. I didn't even need to make questions. She loves you. You just have to explain everything in detail. No quick excuses anymore. No simple notes under the bed. Just talk to her and tell her you're gonna choose her more often now. Is that clear?” Mr. Dahn advised.

Kieu My just nodded, tears running down her cheeks. They all pulled into a tight hug. God, she loved her parents so badly. Kieu My pulled away, wiping her tears and remembering how Fatou always cleaned them with her thumbs. She couldn't lose her. Not again.

“What if she doesn't forgive me, father? What if she doesn't want me anymore?”

“She will. She will if she sees that you mean it. Your love for her. And do you?”

“Of course I do... I've never loved anyone this way.” She admitted with some shyness.

Her parents looked at her tenderly.

“Then go get her.” Her mom hurried.

\-----------------------  
Thursday, 7:50

Her dad drove her to school so she would get there on time. On the way there, Kieu My realized that she hadn't showered nor put any makeup on. She probably smelled like blood and alcohol and her clothes weren't properly matched. But today she wouldn't care about that. She only cared about finding Fatou. She wanted to finally explain everything to her. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to tell her she would make it up to her. The teen walked all of the schoolyard looking for her, but she wasn't there. She went to the cafeteria, didn't spot her. She entered her math class feeling defeated, and she saw Ava sitting in a corner by her own.

Since the day of her apology, the air between them was way lighter; but Kieu My still felt overwhelmed with guilt at her sight. What she and her friends did to her had been so unfair... But luckily she could try to be as nice as possible with her now.

“Hey Ava, how are you?”

She looked at her with surprise.

“Hey… I'm cool. But by the way, who are you and what did you do to Kieu My?”

She bit her lip nervously.

“Uh... You know, we just... We had a squad emergency, kinda. And I had to leave my house early”.

“Hm, I see”.

“Have you seen Fatou today?” She asked abruptly. “I can't find her”.

“Well, of course you won't find her here. This is not her class. But yeah, I saw earlier”.

“You did? And how was... How was her?”

“Aren't you supposed to know all of this, Kieu My? Didn't you spend the night together?”

Her face reddened completely. “How do you know that?”

“What do you think? Fatou told me you two had made plans yesterday so she couldn't meet. And you also have a huge hickey there. How dirty was your mirror for you not to notice?”

If Kieu My wasn't flushed before, she totally was now. She searched dramatically on her neck, but she couldn't see anything. Anyone had told her about it before, probably because she was wearing a scarf. She quickly put it on again, thanking the fact that she brought it. God, this was so embarrassing.

“I'm sorry” She said while looking down, attempting to hide her shame and her horribly messy state.

“I'm not the one you should be telling that to, though”.

She looked up, the same way she did when she brought Vietnamese pancakes to Fatou's and she opened up for the first time.

“Is she very mad?”  
She knew that that was a stupid question; but it was all she could get out. Her fear started coming up again despite her dad's words.

“Wouldn't you be if someone had left you all alone twice on the same day and then you had to awkwardly stumble upon their parents?”

Fuck. Of course. She didn't think about how uncomfortable that interaction must have been when her mom told her they had spoken to her. Could this get any worse? She tried to answer something; but anything seemed good enough.  
Thankfully, the teacher arrived and she went back to her seat, sharing a couple of guilty stares with Ava and receiving disappointing ones in return. This really wouldn't add points to her relationship with her. 

Great, this is just the courage she needed.

\------------------  
Thursday, 11:50 

Kieu My left her class as soon as the break started and she began looking everywhere. She didn't even care about the fact that she was starving because she hadn't eaten anything today. She was almost running trying to catch Fatou's sight, but it had been useless, the only thing she managed to do was smashing against someone in the hall.

“Auch! Omg, Q! Are you ok?”

“Zoe.” She whispered, sitting on the floor. Tears threatened to come out as soon as she saw her. She took her extended hand and got up.

“I don't find her anywhere and I haven't eaten anything.” She said, already crying just like a pouting child. She didn't get what was happening to her, she wasn't usually like this.

“Oh Baby...   
Come here.” Zoe said, pulling her close. She sobbed in her shoulder for minutes that felt eternal. Today she was really beating the record of all she had never done in school before, wasn't she? But she honestly didn't even care right now. She was too sad and worried.

“Let's just go eat something, okay? You'll feel better. And I'm sure you'll run into Fatou when the classes are over. Don't worry, it's gonna be fine”.

Kieu My nodded while wiping her tears and once again wishing it was Fatou doing it instead. This is what she was so scared of after their fight that horrible Friday. This is why she never tried to reach out afterwards: Of being hurt again. And the worst thing is that any of this was Fatou's fault, it had only been very bad timing and misunderstandings. But she tried to hold on to her friend's words: It was all gonna be fine. They loved each other. And love was enough right?

\---------------------  
Thursday, 4:34 

The rest of the evening had been an actual hell. Kieu My had never been so confused with her subjects and had never experienced not getting absolutely anything a teacher said. Apart from that: A headache had been haunting her for hours. Maybe it was for spending so many hours fasting or for the lack of sleep she had gotten. Whatever it was, she hated it. She saw Fatou walking along the cashqueens at the entrance and her heart jumped. She didn't reach out, though. Their conversation had to be private, so she decided she would go to her house after getting a proper meal. She knew Fatou always studied in the afternoons, therefore she'd hopefully be home.

“Hey Q.” Someone said, interrupting her many thoughts.

“Issy, hi.” She replied sadly.

“I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for earlier. I felt very on edge and I said some very stupid shit. Sorry”. 

“It's ok. I'm sorry too. I was just mad about Fatou and stressed with Constantin and I threw it all on you. That wasn't fair”. 

“Don't worry, I shouldn't have talked about you and Fatou either. I know that's completely different. I really behaved like Patrick and Spongebob getting into Squidward issues!” They laughed, enjoying the now-light air that surrounded them. “Do you think we could maybe go out somewhere? Like the old days? I've missed you”.

“Um… I actually still have to talk to Fatou... But I need to eat something before that. Feel like getting a kebab?”

“When would I say no to a kebab?” They replied smiling.

After they ate and Ismail vented about his undying love and concern for Constantin, Kieu My decided to leave. She had somewhere else important to be. She thought about going home and dressing nicely first, maybe putting some makeup on; but she knew Fatou would value her reaching out soon way more than that. She knocked nervously, reviewing the words she was going to say. No more shitty explanations.   
A tall guy she had never met before opened the door. «Her brother» She figured out immediately.

“Hey.” Said Ilai, staring at her curiously. “I don't think we know each other?”

“Uh, no. We don't. I'm Kieu My. Is Fatou home?” 

“Ohh! So YOU ARE Fafa's girlfriend, aren't you? Wow. What did my sister do for you to wanna date her ass? Are you also into anime or something?” He questioned, and suddenly Kieu My got why her girlfriend found him so annoying.

“No, I'm not. Can I see her?”   
She wasn't interested in playing nice nor in wasting time chatting about meaningless stuff. 

“Wowowow, wait up girl. You seem to be desperate. I will tell her you're here.”

“No! I mean, um. I just rather tell her myself”.

“Oh, okaaay... Weird. But come in. Her room is the second door at the-”

“I know where her bedroom is. Thanks”. She climbed the stairs quickly, leaving a confused dude behind. She knocked again and her heart got smaller than a raisin as soon as she heard: “Ilai, drop it. I'm not in the mood”.  
But she couldn't back up now.

She opened the door with all the amount of courage she could gather.

“Hi, sorry for coming without”- She stopped dry at what was in front of her. Fatou was on bed, wrapped in blankets, surrounded by snacks and everything looked like a mess. Had she been crying? Oh God, she couldn't bear the idea of being the reason for that. Her heart broke in half.

“Kieu My? I have been trying to reach you the whole day! Where were you? Are you okay? I had been so scared. I didn't know where you had gone, or if you were fine. And neither did your parents. Ava told me you guys got into a fight?” She said with uttern concern, standing up/ grabbing her cheeks and checking for any injuries.

“Fatou... I'm so sorry. My battery died and... Wait. How come you didn't know where I was? I said it on the note” She questioned taking both her hands on her own.

“Uh? What note?”

“You didn't see it? I left it on my pillow”.

“There was nothing on your pillow.” She added, showing repressed bitterness instead of her previous worry.

Kieu My then recalled her dad's words:

„No more simple notes under the bed„

Fuck. She should have figured this before. She could sense how stressed Fatou was; but she also distinguished an emotion on her face that she hasn't seen in a long time: Anger. 

“Fatou, I know you're hurt and mad, okay? And you have every right to be. I know I can't even expect you to forgive me, but I want to explain this to you, and for it to make sense I need to go right back to the beginning. But it's a very long story...”

“We have nothing better to do. Do we?”

Kieu My took a deep breath. This was gonna be a tough talk.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no clue were did i get this idea from. but since it obviously couldn't happen during this 6th season due to lack of time and excess of plots, i really hope this subject to be explored during Ismail's season.
> 
> i don't want to explain too much beforehand because then the story would have no point!  
> i really hope you like this.
> 
> 💖💙💚💛💜💘
> 
> ANYWAY, please pretty please drop a comment telling me literally anything and find me on tumblr as @beingemotionalsince2003.


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